65.

[thomas - aka peanutbutter - & me]

Where's your favorite boy(s)?
well, my boyfriend is fast asleep at his place.
my brothers are here.

What do you think of the first person on your top?
i love my kadieblue.
no matter what.

Do you believe what goes around comes around?
well seeing is believing.
and i see it all the time.

Have you ever lost a best friend?
sure.

What are you stressed out about?
idk. my aunt is here. and she wants to hang out.
she goes on and on about wanting to party, so i make special plans, and she backs out. wtf.

Missing someone?
yeah. i'm not in matthew's arms.
it's a little upsetting.

Is there someone you want out of your life for good?
uh. yeah. i think i took care of it, though.

Is there something you wish you could tell someone but you can't?
i can say anything i want.

Do you believe exes can be friends?
not mine.

Have you ever been lied to?
yeah. duh.

Where is the second person on your top friends?
downstairs asleep.

Which parent spoils you more?
neither.

Can you trust your best friend 100%?
uh. i trust her one hundred percent with the things that i tell her or something.
if i ever think it's risky, i just keep it to myself.
which is where everyone else fucks up.

Are you happy with the person you are becoming?
yeah. of course.

What are you feeling right now?
idk. like an insomniac.

Do boys confuse you?
no they are pretty easy to figure out.

Are you afraid to grow up?
i'm afraid to grow up, but i'm afraid that it will pass me by.

Has anyone said they love you in the last week?
of course.

Are there any unread messages in your inbox?
no.

Can you honestly say you're okay right now?
yeah.

Do you get mad easily?
nah.

If somebody liked you would you want them to tell you?
whatever they feel is necessary.

Do you want your tongue pierced?
not enough to do anything about it.

Think a lot before you fall asleep?
mhm.

If something was wrong, who is the first girl you would go to? First boy?
girl: it depends.
guy: matthew.

You're stuck in an elevator with your enemy, what do you do?
what enemy? haha.
i don't have one.

If you woke up in one of the Saw movies, do you think you could survive?
i haven't seen any of those.
nor do i plan on it.

Do you have a close friend that is a complete and total flirt around everyone?
for sure.

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
idk.

How often do you fake smile?
all the time.

When was the last time you completely broke down?
idk. it's been a while.

Would you rather write a paper or give a speech?
both.

Is it hard for you to be happy for someone else?
no. what the fuck?

Do you have a child?
hell nah.

Is love really worth fighting for?
love is worth everything.

Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
i could. but why?

If an ex said they hated you, you say?
i don't give a fuck.
not my problem.

Are you happy with the choices you've made?
well not all of them, no.
but i am proud of the fact that i have been able to correct the wrongs.

Ever kissed someone who was in a relationship?
i didn't know.
asshole.

Would you be able to date someone who doesn't make you laugh?
of course not.

When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?
nah.

Have you ever felt like you actually loved someone?
yeah. because i actually did.
and now i actually do.
but i haven't told him yet.

Who was the first person to break your heart?
jesse.

Are there certain things that can't be joked about with you?
probably.

Who was the last person you rode in the car with that was under 21?
whitney.

Do you live on your own?
no.

Do you like to read books?
LOVE.

When was the last time you laughed really hard?
idk. earlier.

What would you do if your boyfriend/ girlfriend cheated on you?
leave him.
pick up the pieces and move the fuck on.

Do you think you're old?
not really. i'm only 20.

Are you a jealous person?
nah. i have better emotions to spend my life on."
life's too short for that shit.

Do you ever think what if about anything?
yeah. thaddeus is my what if.

Do you dislike anyone right now?
meh. i'm good.

64.

[this entry is missing a picture. and i'm sorry it's been so long. i know, i know, i'm fucking up.]

Have you thought about an ex today?
yeah. thad. idk how much he counts as an ex, though.
i mean i dated him when i was thirteen...

Finish this sentence:
I can't resist a girl/boy with/that:
... i can resist.

Would you date someone who lived in another state?
probably not.
i can't say no, ANYTHING is possible.
but it really isn't probable.

When's the last time you said you were fine, but really weren't?
uh. idk. friday when i was trippin too hard. aha.
i mean, i wasn't about to have a bad trip, but damn.

Do you consider yourself lucky?
definitely.

Relationship between you and the last person you texted?
no phone.

Why did you last cry?
laughing too hard. aha.

Could you cry right now?
nope. maybe if someone came up and cooter-punched me or something.

Do you ever think about stuff and start crying?
not really. maybe if i'm at a funeral.
i start to think about my sister dying.
and that always will make me cry.

Do you believe in karma?
whole-heartedly.

Are you okay with the life you live?
uh. i'm OKAY with it.
i'm working on becoming happy with it.

Last person you told a secret to?
... i have no idea.

How many true friends you got?
more than most.

Do you live with "ghetto" people in your neighborhood?
nah, not really.

Can you walk into a room full of strangers and maintain your confidence?
yeah, i can front pretty damn well by now.

Are any of your ancestors famous?
i'm related to mickey mantle.

Do small children like you?
some.

How's your heart right now?
this is a dumb question.

Do you give up easily?
not if it's more intelligent for me to keep fighting.

Where do you go when you want to be alone?
away from people, obviously.

Do you want to get married and have children one day?
i don't know.

Did you enjoy your summer?
last summer... it was okay.

If you could go back one month and change something, would you?
yeah.

Are you a jealous person?
i have better things to do with my time, thank you.

Would you ever consider adoption?
maybe.

How about abortion?
yeah. fucking hate me for it.
i don't give a shit.

Do you like Redbull?
it tastes corrosive...

Think back 5 months ago, were you single?
nope.

Is it easy to make you smile?
oh yes.

Do you have a bad habit?
more than one, that's for sure.
however i quit smoking cigarettes.
FINALLY.

Where do you wish you were?
in bed, asleep.

Would you date someone taller than you?
i have and i do.

Did anything annoy you today?
yeah. my manager freaked the fuck out.
he went on a power trip.
sometimes he's like little hitler.

When is your birthday?
june twenty-fifth.

What are you looking forward to in the next 4 days?
... my days off.

Are you a loud person?
NEVER. aha.
seriously, though, not really.

Are you drifting away from any friends?
sure.

Was this New Years enjoyable?
nope.

Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
i do now. which is crazy considering the shit we put ourselves through.

Do you think you could last in a relationship for 6 months?
i know it.

What were you almost named?
rhiannon.

What time did you wake up this morning, why?
omfg. 7:30. i know, right?!

What are you listening to?
"untitled" by interpol. ♥

Where did you get the top you're wearing?
target.

Who have you texted today?
i haven't.

Do you ever get a text saying good morning?
i used to like constantly.

Ever been lied to by someone you thought would never lie to you?
i am not naive enough to think that.

Last time you cried?
the other day from laughing.

How are you feeling right now?
kind of sleepy. i had a full day.

What are you craving right now?
the empty feeling i should have in my stomach.

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do?
i normally don't say that, because it will always end up happening.

Do you want kids anytime soon?
hell no.

Is there something you want to tell someone but cant?
yeah. damnit.
i'm not used to this.

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your own bed?
matthew's bed.

Do you ever think about someone and start crying?
only if i'm thinking about sarah at a funeral.

Have you ever liked someone older than you?
my current boyfriend is 10.5 years older.

Have you ever kissed someone that was high?
baha. yeah.

Was it a boy or a girl to text you last?
dlafjlajfs

Are you missing someone?
oh yeah.

Is there anybody you wish you could be spending time with right now?
i wanna sleep next to matthew.

63.

[i love house parties. dj kirby.]

Say something positive about yourself?
i'm very open.

Does it make you uncomfortable when you receive a compliment?
uh, kind of. i'm so much better at it these days.

What is the nicest thing someone has done for you today?
hm. well, i'm gonna say it was when pink bought me batteries for my camera.

What makes waking up worthwhile?
one more day to see the beautiful world we live in.
one more day to appreciate the vastness of mother nature.
at least, that's what i constantly convincing myself of.

How much, on average, would you say you write each day? 
so much. probably around three pages at least.
i'm a journal-writing machine.

Do you willingly read, or do you read out of necessity only? 
willingly.
i love reading.

Name something that you are passionate about? 
beauty, raw beauty. it's in so many things that you just drive by everyday.
also, pot should be decriminalized in the least.

How much would you sarcrifice for that passion? 
i would give my life if everyone would see the world in such a way that their breath would be taken away.
 
When you date someone, do you still make time for your friends? 
of course.

Where do you draw the line when it comes to forgiving/not forgiving? 
the line curves, squiggles, and maybe even crosses on some points.

Has there ever been a time when someone didn't accept your apology? 
yeah.

How did you feel about that? 
i'm not entirely sure i remember.

Would you say you have high or low self esteem? 
it varies greatly.

How do you suppose it got that way? 
i'm human. so i let what people think get in the way of what i think, or should be thinking.

Would you ever date someone if they were physically unattractive? 
i have before.

Would you date someone noticeably smarter than you? 
sure.

Are there any small things that just REALLY tick you off? 
yeah. don't mock me.

Do you miss a lot of school/work? 
no. i try to go as often as possible.
if i'm sick i get sent home, i don't call in.

Do you keep a regular journal or diary? 
i do. for a LONG time now.

How many online profile sites are you a member of? 
facebook, myspace, xanga.
i think that's all.

Would you ever consider using an online dating service? 
no. i saw this commercial today for onlinebootycall.com.
fucking ridiculous.

Describe the loneliest time in your life? 
no.

What got you out of it? 
time & patience.

Are you accepting of other people's religions and beliefs? 
yeah, i would never turn someone down due to religious beliefs, or spirituality.

What is the longest amount of time you've spent away from home? 
well, i haven't lived at home in almost a year.
but i still visit. i guess three months when i lived in dallas.
 
When someone is rude to you, how do you respond? 
most of the time this is when i'm at work, serving a table.
and i'm very good about being sarcastic, but still good-natured.
even when i'd like to do nothing more than speak my mind.

Have you ever been in a physical fight? How did it go...? 
i used to do that a lot when i was young.
won some, lost some.

If you have a temper, what's the best way to avoid it? 
if you manage to make me angry, there is no avoiding it.

Is there anything someone could say to really upset you/hurt your feelings? 
of course.

Describe something disrespectful you have done lately? 
hm. talked back to my manager, i guess. lol.
i'm not sorry.

What's the most fun you have had this week? 
chillin in crazylove's storage shed, chillin with adam nicole, and trippin.

Which day was the best? 
trippin.

Which day was the worst? 
uh. i'm not sure.
tuesday, prolly.

Did you work this week? 
i work all the time.

What was the weirdest thing you saw on television in the past week? 
that commercial for onlinebootycall.com.

How do you deal with people that snore loudly in their sleep? 
wake them up and tell them to quiet down.
or go in the other room.

Are you a picky eater? Why? 
yeah, because i care about my health & looks.

Are you comfortable with your weight? Why or why not? 
it's okay.
i'm working on it.

If you could change something about your physical self, what would it be? 
thin.

Have you ever been bullied? How did it make you feel? 
when i was a kid. and it made me feel insignificant.

Have you ever bullied another person? How did you feel about it? 
i'm sure i have, i always feel bad.

What do you think about people that are homeschooled?
if it's for religious reasons, the families are generally socially awkward & quite creepy.

Do you have a favorite stand-up comedian? What makes him/her so funny?
i used to love mitch hedberg. RIP.

62.

[an old photo, matthew got me flowers for our picnic. (: ]

Lets start out with something clever, whats your sign?
i'm a cancer.

what's the last reason you were in pain?
uh. i don't really know.
i'm sure it was because i bumped into something at work.
i'm always doing that.

what is your favorite color?
yellow is my life.

could you date someone taller than you?
i am dating someone taller than me. 

next time you will go to the doctor?
psh. idk. hopefully never.
i'm about 4 grand under because of that little ER trip.

what's in your pocket?
money.

do you think you could ever forgive someone who murdered one of your friends?
that's a huge hurdle. haha.
idk, and i don't want to find out.

is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be?
i never understood this question.

whats something you couldn't live without?
haha, willpower.

what were you doing at 7 am and 7pm ?
am: sleeping.
pm: working.

do you enjoy summer?
i do. (:

is tomorrow going to be a good day?
probably.

ready for kids?
hell no.

who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
okay, i'm tired of this question.

What do you want to do mostly right now?
sleep, i think.

out of your friends, who have you known the longest?
my sister, if that counts.
if it doesn't... then isa & jamie.

have you ever been in a car accident?
yeah. and run over.
i'm afraid of cars.
and crossing streets.

have you kissed more than two people this year?
hm. two. matthew, and eamonn.

is there a difference between 'i love you' and being in love?
yeah.

do you think age matters in relationships or is that stupid?
my boyfriend is ten and a half years older...
and we are just fine.
but i think it just depends on the people involved.

what time did you go to sleep last night?
you mean this morning.
like three something.

do you open up to a lot of people?
no. but lot's of people open up to me. 

what were you doing 30 minutes ago?
i was trying to make the internet work.

what was the last song you heard?
some dumb shit from work.
i'm enjoying the silence currently.

Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 5 days?
mhmm.

are you liking how you look today?
meh. it's okay.
not really dressed to impress.
but i did go out in public.

your number one on myspace?
kadieblue. (:

is there a girl that knows every thing or mostly every thing about you?
mhmm.

is there a guy that knows every thing or mostly every thing about you?
uh. not really.

last time you went to six flags?
too long.
like three years ago.

is your second friend on your top special to you?
of course!! i love my sister.

is there someone you'd wait forever for?
there's something beautifully tragic in waiting forever...
also, pathetic.
and so, i am not sure.
i doubt it.

is your best friend single?
um. which one?

who was the last person you cried in front of?
i have no idea.

are you listening to music?
no. i'm taking in the silence.

do you think two people can last forever?
my mom & dad are a wonderful example of unconditional love.
it gives me faith, it really does.

what were you up to at 9 p.m.
waiting on this total douchebag.

are you happy with the way things are going?
meh. some parts are amazing.
some parts i'm working on.

do you think anyone has feelings for you?
i know it.

are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
yeah. two tattoos.

do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?​​
i do.

favorite kind of perfume/Cologne?
euphoria was hot.

are you wearing make up?
nope. i rarely do.

what scares you more: snakes or spiders?
depends. if it's a garter snake next to a black widow, the spider.
if it's a rattlesnake next to a daddy long leg, the snake.
etc, etc.

do you have any plans for tomorrow?
work in the morning.
hang out in the afternoon with whoever.

are you talking to someone while doing this?
i am not.

who was the last girl you talked to?
sarah & mariellen.

who do you tell the most to?
matthew & kadieblue.

what movies can you watch over and over again and never get tired of
hm. there are so many.
the darjeeling unlimited, trainspotting, fight club, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, alice in wonderland, the lion king, waking life, pink floyd pulse, the song remains the same, fear and loathing in las vegas, the dark crystal, i could go on for a LONG time.

61.

[a not so great, old pic of matthew, me, & adam nicole.]

Your ex calls you to hang out what do you say?
i would say no.
simple as that.

Last person you talked to on the phone?
my sister.

Last person you told i love you to?
my sister.

What are you hearing right now?
me fingers hitting the keyboard.

Who is the last girl you talked to?
my sister & mariellen.

How are you feeling?
i'm okay. i'm kind of anxious.
i wanna know if my grandkittens have been brought into this world yet...
i wanna see them!

Do you enjoy piercings & tattoos?
they're okay. they aren't something that i spend a lot of time thinking about.

Do you prefer to shower at night or in the morning?
whenever i get the chance.

Tell me about the shirt you're wearing?
uh. it's a work shirt.

Is there a meaning behind your profile song?
always. i have more than one profile song, though. 

If you could seek revenge on someone would you?
nah.

Last person you were in a car with besides family?
uh. i guess matthew.

Do you know anyone's MySpace password?
kadieblue's.
and she knows mine.

Are you one of those people who hate crying in front of others?
i am. i really dislike that.

What's the last song you heard?
i couldn't tell ya.
some mexican shit at work.
i am so tired of those same songs over & over again.

Are you in a good mood today?
i am. i had a pretty good day.
minus work. it was too slow.
i didn't make enough money.

Who would you be shocked to see call you?
anyone, because i don't have a phone.

Who's car were you in last?
mariellen's.

What ruined your day?
well my day hasn't been ruined.
but i wish work would have been busier.

What ruined your weekend?
nothing. my weekend was wonderful.
as always.

Have you ever trusted someone too much?
yeah, but i learned fast.

Do you get mad easily?
not at all.

Who would you want to be tied to for twenty four hours?
... matthew. that could be fun. (;

What was the first thing you did this morning?
pressed snooze on the alarm clock.

Why aren't you in bed?
i just got off work, and i need to wind down first.

Today, would you rather go back a week or go forward a week?
hm. i'm not sure.
i just want to time travel.

What are your initials?
EKM.

Are you texting anyone?
affirmative negative ghost rider.

Has someone told you that they liked/loved you in the past week?
yeah.

When was the last time you talked to your number 1?
when we hung out earlier today.

When will your next kiss be?
thursday.
when i see matthew.

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
idk. prolly blue, green, purple, & riley?

Do you write in cursive or print?
it's a hybrid.

Who was the last person of the opposite sex you laid in a bed with?
matthew. (:

Where was the last place you went out to eat?
applebees.

What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed?
raspberry triple distilled smirnoff vodka. ahahah.

Best kind of pizza?
mary jane's pizza. (:
or none at all.

Is your bedroom window open?
nah.

What is in store for your future?
kittens, fleetwood mac, pineal express.
omfg. there is definitely some wild noises coming from the kitchen.
and no one is in there...

When was the last time you purchased something over $100?
my camera probably.

Are you experienced?
have you ever been experienced?
well... i have...

When was the last time you got a good workout?
bleh. i wish i had an answer to this question. 

If you need a new pair of jeans, what store do you go to first?
idk. whichever is closest?

Where did your last kiss take place?
): matthew's car.

Who did you last kiss?
matthew.

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
not at all.

Where is your favorite place to get coffee?
idk, wherever matthew goes.

Have you ever been offered a job?
mhm.

Where did your first kiss take place?
ugh. it was like behind my school.
i was like thirteen, and i was terrible at it.
haha, and it was with this total jerk.